From the moment I found out that I was pregnant... I quickly began to see that everyone has an opinion and advice on how to have a baby...prenatal, birth, postnatal, etc... Most often- they give their advice and state their opinion without my consent on wanting to hear it or not. Constantly being inundated with "oh you should do this" or "oh donnnnnnn't do that"... Both sides of the spectrum! From hospital births with "drugs" to home births with "free births". Judgement has been thrown ALL AROUND!
To be honest... it has made me sick to my stomach. And that's not just pregnancy nausea... it's women inserting their fear and their beliefs on me and my unborn son.
It took 9 months for River's soul to choose Brooks and I... Towards month 6, I was heart broken. And I know- 9 months isn't really that long in the grand scheme of it all. But for some reason I thought it would just be easy. As I also thought being pregnant would too (hahaha!)! Let me clarify this now and get this out there in the open- my apologies for not understanding the aches and pains of my fellow sisters as they went through their pregnancies... Yes- pregnancy tired is unlike any other tired I have ever experienced and I know more is to come these last 4-7 weeks and postpartum. Once we discovered I was pregnant, we began alllllll the research that new parents can dive into! How many rabbit holes are there? A ton! From dr/midwives, birthing options, hospital/home birth, vaccinations, prenatal vitamins or not, dietary restrictions or is this just fear based don't eat it, etc, etc. There are so many different views on everything!! So how in the hell are two new parents supposed to figure this all out?!?! Intuition folks!
Intuition is where I have put my whole pregnancy into motion... I have read at minimum 9 books on pregnancy, breastfeeding, pp, etc (still have 4 more before lil man arrives), listened to probably 150+ hours of podcasts on birth, home birth, etc, watched numerous documentaries on water birth (our method we have chosen), home birth, Ina May Gaskins, Hypnobirthing, Business of Being Born, etc, etc, etc. Through all of this- I have still decided to birth with a wonderful midwife group that delivers at a hospital that has one of the lowest cesarean rates in the state, the head Labor and Deliver Nurse is a dream come true, they offer water birth, and they support ME and MY birth plan... that can be unheard of... But I feel confident in my decision- why? My INTUITION!
I've had a few home birth practitioners, and a say a few because I have had lots of support from others, that are shocked that I, a yogi who owns a yoga studio and lives (as much as I can) a holistic lifestyle - would choose to "give up my power by birthing in a *gasp* hospital"... When we did our tour of the hospital I had a slew of questions and I was ready to fight for my answers that I wanted to hear... The RN answered every question that I needed to hear with the answer my soul and birth plan had envisioned! Golden hour, delayed cord clamping, not pushing on any induction/drugs/c-section/circumcision/etc. My husband looked and me and I think he saw me melt... I knew I was home... This place is home for us for this first baby... Now who knows- maybe after this experience I decide- hey I wanna do it at home- but it's my right and my choice!
My intuition has also led me to know that there are some midwives, or medwives as some like to call them because they treat you like a number and not a person, that I just don't mesh well with. I had an experience with one yesterday that truly broke my spirit. I went in feeling amazing! On top of the world! I finally had some energy, I was looking good, felt great, weight was consistent even though I feel like Violet from Willy Wonka. I was loving being pregnant yesterday until I saw this midwife. I had seen her once before and did not care at all for her, but when I was put with her again- I sucked it up and said "everyone needs a second chance"... wellllllll... My intuition was right... she placed fear in me. Shamed me for the "numbers" that in all honesty I feel like she just didn't measure me right... But it wasn't her fault- it was mine. Told me to walk, swim, drink more water- cut out all sugar... This woman obviously doesn't know who I am and what I do on a daily basis or see the large jug of spring water I drink each day. Initially I felt hurt... shamed...fear... my baby is unhealthy because I am... but I'm not... Then I felt compassion for her. I'm pretty sure she's never carried a baby to this length... and I can tell you- breathing is hard no matter how much fluid may be in your womb! I left feeling defeated... my husband told me I needed to stand my ground (and I have been every which of way in life- just didn't with her!! And why?)!
I called first thing this morning to see if I could get a second opinion (opting out of an additional ultrasound that is frivolous in our eyes- I know River and I are healthy!) and to claim my power back. The midwife that I have been seeing 80% of this pregnancy called me back on her day off... calmed me down and told me how healthy I am, how I healthy my baby is, and even if I had extra fluid- there is no reason to induce... She told me it's my body and I know what's going on with it! To listen to my intuition... She helped me see that my power was always there!! And for her I am so thankful!
Pregnancy is hard. Labor- I will let you know my thoughts on that when it happens. If you are pregnant, listen to your intuition, your gut! Make the decisions for YOU! I do encourage you to do research so you can make informed decisions... as you can see from my experience yesterday- not every midwife out there is for you! Find someone who will stand beside you and behind you! Someone who will lift you back up when you are just too damn tired to stand your ground! Your birth is YOURS and your baby's and you can make it however magical you want it to be! And please- don't let anyone take it away from you because they want to put you in a place of fear or shame! Rise above them and do what's best for you and baby! If you ever want any support- let me know and I will be there for you!